Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
