So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
