I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just high enough for therapy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
