I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
