I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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