My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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