Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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