Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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