note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
