he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
