i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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