shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
