Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
