I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
