They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
