I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
