I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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