Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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