dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
