Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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