The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
