when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
