I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The Olympian is in my bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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