I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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