i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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