I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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