whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
