had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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