I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
