Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
