You work out of a Hotel?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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