operation have a gay friend backfired
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
