Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
