you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
