Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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