I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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