No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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