she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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