i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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