If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i believe in u and ur pee
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
