Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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