I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize