tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
