Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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