Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
