I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
