i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and she was petting her beer can
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
