Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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