Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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