Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize