i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
