I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
