I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
