I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
