Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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