Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
