I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
