My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
