I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
