yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize