"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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