After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
