Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize