jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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