3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
