Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
