you would pick up someone in the library
this just has baby written all over it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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