I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
