The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
