i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
