No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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