yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
