Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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