I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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