He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
