Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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