we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
