Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When are your genitals available?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
