where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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