i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
