So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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