I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
