I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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