Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
