I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
