help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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