I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
where are my eyebrows?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
