Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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