Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
