Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
