I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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