the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize