Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
