Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she looked like the before picture.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
