this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize