I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
