And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
