guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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