dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
