I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
