Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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