is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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