woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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