So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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